do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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