everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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