I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
