Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
