apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
birth control should be required to get into college
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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