elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
