I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
