soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
