You made me cry and you don't even care
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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