All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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