she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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