help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
