i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
