So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
