Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
