I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
