Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think people are normalizing furries
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
