just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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