my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
