I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
