After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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