no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
