i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
