Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
