I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
