I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
