So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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