Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
