she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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