yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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