left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
