8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
