Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
