You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
