TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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