someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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