Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How external is "for external use only"?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
