the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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