Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
