That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
