i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
