MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
