Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
