I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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