Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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