Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
