I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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