If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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