I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
