thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
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