Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
