somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
