I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
