you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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