??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
