i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
