I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
