At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
two words: eviction party
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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